I see no difference...

Me: So unconsciously, I...

Friend: Sub- consciously.

Me: Excuse me?

Friend: You said unconsciously, how can you do something when you are unconscious?

This happened last week. I was talking about something with my friend when she interrupted me. This kind of made me think. I actually laughed when she asked me that question [I am not laughing at my friend but laughing at the thought of me doing things when I am unconscious].

I am actually glad that my friend pointed it out. The usage of unconsciously and sub-consciously.So which one is right? I honestly don't know. I have to say I am embarrass to admit I don't really know which one to use. I tried looking it through the internet [I don't usually ask people because I don't want them to answer like this] and they don't show the difference. Am I missing something?

I think English is a mystery, I could never stop learning English.

p/s: Help?

In My Head

Sometimes I'm disappointed whenever I got my assignment back. Especially when my colleagues who chose the same assignment topic got better marks. I usually go through my assignment and read most of the comments left on my papers. Sometimes my lecturers left a "?" on certain paragraphs [Especially on the argument part]. So I asked my friends to read those paragraphs and asked them if they understand my arguments. Some said yes, some said no. I explained to the one who didn't understand. They usually said that my argument was kind of complicated and it did not really reflect to what I want to explain actually.

For some odd reason, I agreed with them.

Even the lecturers does not find my arguments valid. I agreed because from my previous post, I can't really organize my speech. It's seem like I have trouble delivering my points to other people and I believe that I kind of carried this to the way I write (is it possible?).


I think I can't really focus on one thing. For example, when we were asked about women in media, I will immediately think about stereotyping, sexism and sex symbol. It doesn't stop there. Then my head will continue to make a link to masculinity, men overpowering women, influential women who change the stereotype and so on. When my lecturer asked me about my opinion on this, I usually don't know how to answer them. It is something I need to improve. I think the picture below really explain what's going on in my head in case you don't understand this post.

In my head

p/s: I think too much..

Speech

I always have problem expressing my opinion or just simply explaining things to my friends or lecturer. I always ended up stuttering. My friends even told me that the way I explain is weird. Like I leave some sort of a gap between my sentences. When I tell them a story, it will start from A and abruptly it will reach Z and then goes back to P. For example, when I wanted to tell them about a movie that I've watched, I will tell them the beginning of the movie then I will skip to the end. The worse part, I will go back to the middle of the story and silently pray that my friends understood what I've told them.

Yes,I am well aware that my speech is not organized. I just realized this when I entered UBD when I have to deliver my presentation. Even though I am in my fourth year now, giving presentation still scares me to death.

I think this is because when I'm in my primary and secondary school, I never have to do a presentation in class. All I did was just sit down and absorbed everything like a sponge without asking. I don't blame my teachers for this, they did try to make the class interactive. I guess it's the students that need to change their mindset. I have to say, I used to be a passive student. I don't interact enough with my lecturers as well as with my colleagues. I need to change that.

p/s: My first presentation in UBD was about me being an astronaut and I need to justify myself to the whole class why I deserve to survive a plane crash. Random yet interesting presentation topic  :)

Put your hands up

Several days ago, our lecturer told us to do an individual presentation for our next class. Few days before the presentation, I was having a panic attack as I'm not really sure on how to do it. I asked my friends and clearly they were not quite sure as well. While I was busy bugging my friends through facebook and text messages, my mum came up to me and said "Why don't you email your lecturer, ask him about it?"

I was terrified by this idea.

I have to admit, when I entered UBD, I barely went up to my lecturers to ask for guidance. Especially after a mind-numbing lecture, I will ask my friends if they understand. Most of them will reply "I don't get it either." And we will all just quietly accept that fact. I don't know why we don't have the courage to just raise our hands in class and tell the lecturer we don't understand. I'm sure I am not the only one who feel this way.

Does this only happen among Asian students? When we need to meet up with the lecturer, we will bring our friends along even though they don't need to be there. I know I never once raised my hand in class from primary school up until now (sometimes I do but rarely). There are several reasons why I would not ask the lecturer for help, one of them are I am afraid I would not understand even after the lecturer explained again. It is scary to know that you're not able to grasp the idea and that you feel like you are not smart enough to understand. I'm also afraid I will annoy the lecturer. This happen to me in primary school, where I asked my math teacher to explain to me again about some math problem. His reaction: He sighed and rolled his eyes at me. I regretted asking and hated maths after that (I need to get over this trauma.). I could list out all my reasons but I know it will not help me in my studies. It will only cause me to feel regrets for not taking the opportunities that was presented to me.

I am ashamed knowing that I am not assertive enough to stand on my ground, demanding asking the lecturer to help me in my studies. I need to change. All we need to do is just put our hands up and ask.   Do you have the same problem? Or is it just me?

p/s: Maybe it's just me.

Wife Beater or Singlet?

Several days ago, I came a across the word "wife beater" while talking with my friends. This started when I mistook her describing a tank top with a tube top.So she explained to me the differences between a tank top and a tube top. While I was trying to digest this new information, the word 'wife beater' came out of nowhere. So  asked her "What's a wife beater? Is it some sort of a sweater or something?" She told me that it is similar like a singlet.

This got me thinking.


Why wife beater? I don't understand why would anyone called it that? Why can't they call it singlet? Why can't they call it a husband beater? The name is so degrading and not to mention sexist and overpowering. I was still puzzled by this that I decided to look it up in the net, surprisingly woman can also wear a wife beater! So if a woman do wear a wife beater, do they still call it a wife beater or just beat-er? (Excuse the pun)

A man wearing a black wife beater

A woman wearing a black wife beater

The term wife beater in someway not only degrading to women but also to men as well. It carries the message that men are violent creatures and that they only know how to use brute strength instead of their brains.

I tried to look up for the origin of the word and I found two sites that kind of give me the explanation. Here and Here.



But what I want to ask is that..why can't we just call it a singlet?



p/s: I am not a hardcore feminist.

Hello?

So what now?

I never blog before .... I blogged before but I gave up because I don't really know what to write... either that or I'm just not good at writing...


 This blog is for me to write my reflections upon my academic life in University Brunei Darussalam. I am currently a 4th year student, majoring in English Language Studies. I'm an average student, still nervous when giving presentation and afraid of lecturers.


I will try my best...for this blog and for my grades...


p/s: I'm scared.